Mastering Co-Parenting Communication: The BIFF Method for High-Conflict Situations

Co-parenting can be one of the most challenging aspects of a custody arrangement, especially when one parent engages in high-conflict behaviors. Whether you’re dealing with hostile emails, aggressive text messages, or confrontational co-parenting apps, your responses can either escalate or diffuse the situation. That’s where the BIFF method—developed by Bill Eddy in BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People—comes in.

At Edgar & Dow, Riverside County’s expert custody and visitation attorneys, we often see how poor communication fuels unnecessary conflict and court battles. The BIFF method is a simple yet effective tool to help parents navigate difficult conversations, keep interactions child-focused, and avoid getting drawn into unnecessary disputes.

What Is the BIFF Method?

BIFF stands for:

Brief – Keep your response short. Avoid long explanations or justifications that invite further arguments.

Informative – Stick to the facts. Focus on the issue at hand without personal attacks or emotional reactions.

Friendly – A neutral or slightly friendly tone can prevent further hostility and keep communication productive.

Firm – Set clear boundaries and avoid unnecessary back-and-forth discussions.

Why BIFF Works for Co-Parenting

High-conflict parents often try to provoke emotional reactions. They may send inflammatory messages, make false accusations, or use guilt and manipulation. A BIFF response keeps the conversation calm, factual, and solution-oriented—helping you stay in control.

For example:

Wrong Approach:
“You’re constantly late for pickups! You obviously don’t care about our child, and I’m sick of dealing with this!”

BIFF Response:
“Per our agreement, pickup is at 5:00 PM. Please confirm you will be on time moving forward. Let me know if you have any questions.”

This response is brief, avoids emotional engagement, sets a clear boundary, and keeps the focus on the child.

When to Use BIFF in Co-Parenting

• Scheduling & Logistics – Keep discussions about visitation and exchanges simple and factual.
• Parenting Disagreements – Avoid unnecessary debates; focus on the child’s well-being.
• Court-Ordered Communication – If using a co-parenting app, BIFF can keep your messages professional and admissible in court.
• Responding to False Allegations – Address accusations calmly and factually to maintain credibility.

Protect Your Custody Rights with Smart Communication

At Edgar & Dow, we know that effective communication is key to a successful co-parenting arrangement. If you’re struggling with a high-conflict co-parent, our experienced custody and visitation attorneys can help.

We provide legal strategies to protect your parental rights
We guide you in using BIFF and other tools to minimize conflict
We advocate for the best custody arrangement for your child

Contact us today at (951) 684-6885 for a consultation. Let’s work together to create a custody and visitation plan that prioritizes your child’s well-being while keeping conflict to a minimum.