Mastering Co-Parenting Communication: The BIFF Method for High-Conflict Situations

Co-parenting can be one of the most challenging aspects of a custody arrangement, especially when one parent engages in high-conflict behaviors. Whether you’re dealing with hostile emails, aggressive text messages, or confrontational co-parenting apps, your responses can either escalate or diffuse the situation. That’s where the BIFF method—developed by Bill Eddy in BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People—comes in.

At Edgar & Dow, Riverside County’s expert custody and visitation attorneys, we often see how poor communication fuels unnecessary conflict and court battles. The BIFF method is a simple yet effective tool to help parents navigate difficult conversations, keep interactions child-focused, and avoid getting drawn into unnecessary disputes.

What Is the BIFF Method?

BIFF stands for:

✅ Brief – Keep your response short. Avoid long explanations or justifications that invite further arguments.

✅ Informative – Stick to the facts. Focus on the issue at hand without personal attacks or emotional reactions.

✅ Friendly – A neutral or slightly friendly tone can prevent further hostility and keep communication productive.

✅ Firm – Set clear boundaries and avoid unnecessary back-and-forth discussions.

Why BIFF Works for Co-Parenting

High-conflict parents often try to provoke emotional reactions. They may send inflammatory messages, make false accusations, or use guilt and manipulation. A BIFF response keeps the conversation calm, factual, and solution-oriented—helping you stay in control.

For example:

❌ Wrong Approach:
“You’re constantly late for pickups! You obviously don’t care about our child, and I’m sick of dealing with this!”

✅ BIFF Response:
“Per our agreement, pickup is at 5:00 PM. Please confirm you will be on time moving forward. Let me know if you have any questions.”

This response is brief, avoids emotional engagement, sets a clear boundary, and keeps the focus on the child.

When to Use BIFF in Co-Parenting

• Scheduling & Logistics – Keep discussions about visitation and exchanges simple and factual.
• Parenting Disagreements – Avoid unnecessary debates; focus on the child’s well-being.
• Court-Ordered Communication – If using a co-parenting app, BIFF can keep your messages professional and admissible in court.
• Responding to False Allegations – Address accusations calmly and factually to maintain credibility.

Protect Your Custody Rights with Smart Communication

At Edgar & Dow, we know that effective communication is key to a successful co-parenting arrangement. If you’re struggling with a high-conflict co-parent, our experienced custody and visitation attorneys can help.

✅ We provide legal strategies to protect your parental rights
✅ We guide you in using BIFF and other tools to minimize conflict
✅ We advocate for the best custody arrangement for your child

📞 Contact us today at (951) 684-6885 for a consultation. Let’s work together to create a custody and visitation plan that prioritizes your child’s well-being while keeping conflict to a minimum.